Elected Officials, Personal Bias, and Discrimination

The last few days have been packed with drama and emotion. Here in our local county, the School Board had before them the issue of allowing homeschoolers access to public school athletic teams. My husband wrote a great blog post urging them to allow access and addressed it to the school board. A local university grad student was at the workshop where this issue was discussed and wrote and open letter to the board disassembling the arguments they offered in the workshop. For a look at the illogical, irrational and ludicrous statements offered (that the student very eloquently rebutted)and to get a feel for the tone of that meeting, be sure to read his article/blog post. It was published as a letter to the editor in Sundays paper.
 

I personally do not have a student in secondary school who wants to play, but as a leader in the local homeschool community as well as someone invested in the furthering of our cause everywhere, I took a personal interest. I came away from both the workshop and the actual board meeting itself irritated, aggravated, frustrated, angry, belittled, and feeling very discriminated against. I pay taxes into this local economy, just like every other law abiding citizen. My taxes entitle me to certain rights or benefits in this community. Just because I choose not to take advantage of all the benefits extended to me should not necessarily exclude me from the rest. To be excluded from benefits I pay for because I don't choose the whole package is nothing less than discrimination. Pure and simple.

If my tax dollars should open the door for those benefits, which in this case was access to public school athletics, what stands in the way? The elected officials that serve on the school board. At the Tuesday workshop meeting, there was certainly a prejudice present among certain members of the school board. The discussion, while not supposed to center around the 'merit of educational choice' but rather the equal access homeschoolers ought to have to athletics, repeatedly cast doubt on the process of homeschooling, questioned both ability and results of teachers (parents) and suggested that regardless of our tax dollars, our educational choices made us ineligible for inclusion in sports programs. There was no real logic in the vehement opposition to homeschooling and sports inclusion voiced at that meeting. While I understand that they are the 'stewards' of the public school system in Bradley County, I believe forward thinking folks should begin to recognize that there is 'more than one way to skin a cat.' The education of ones children is a highly complex and personal decision. We are blessed to live in a country where we can pursue a variety of educational options and find the perfect fit for our children and families. Public schooling isn't wrong or inferior, just different! However, the reality is that there are some on the school board and in administration who are vehemently anti-homeschool and decidedly pro-public school. As elected officials, shouldn't they be more open minded? Isn't it their duty to represent all their constituents?

That's probably what frustrated me the most...the clear personal bias that colored many remarks as well as the ultimate decision the board handed down. If we're honest, that equals nothing more that pure discrimination. I understand that everyone brings their world view to the table and we all have experiences that shape our perceptions and opinions. However, I believe that part of being an adult is being willing to take in new information as it becomes available and changing my viewpoint if the new information calls for it. In this case, new information was presented to the school board in many ways...via e-mail, by letters and phone calls and even by personal appointments with administration. Yet the personal bias many on the board held prior to these meetings was held to so tight fistedly, that some were willing to tell outright lies to defend their position. That does not show open-mindedness or even a willingness to engage in an exchange of ideas...it shows a juvenile predisposition to bullying in order to get your own way. I really expected more out of my elected officials.

Should homeschoolers be allowed to play public school sports?

You'd think Tim Tebow would have changed a lot of minds on this issue...but alas, here in my little corner of the world, the school board is voting this week on whether to allow it or not.

I attended the school board meeting both to show solidarity with other local homeschoolers and to get an education on how our school board feels about homeschoolers. Boy did I get educated!

Part of the problem stems from an 'us vs them' mentality. You cannot go into a meeting with the people who steward the local school system and imply that while you have nothing against public education, your choice to home educate somehow makes you better than them. We know that the statics bear it out...and any educator who thinks long and hard about how students with personal tutoring attention excel would have to concede that the *way* homeschoolers are educated (lots of personal attention and tutoring) would naturally be reflected in higher test scores. However, I believe the merits of educational choice should NOT have entered the argument yesterday.

Instead, the talking points should have centered around the principle of discrimination going on here. We pay taxes to support the local economy...our taxes go into all kinds of different community programs...the library, the roads, the parks and recreations system and the schools. Now granted, they (the schools) are not getting *extra* money because our children are not enrolled, but we are still paying for the facilities they use for school. It's also important to note that the school board is comprised of elected officials. I want my representative to be aware that even though they sit on the board for the public school system, the decisions they hand down have the potential to affect ALL students in their district. I believe votes were won and lost yesterday!!

The point that they get tax money from us, but they do not get *extra* enrollment money comes into focus here: The school system is already required to offer help, counseling or intervention programs for 'special needs' homeschoolers. Those kids are not enrolled either, yet the schools are already obligated to give them help if their parents ask for it. They are not getting extra funds from those kids, yet that program costs the school a LOT of time and money because we are talking about specific intervention therapies...like speech therapy or intensive special needs tutoring...one on one student teacher time kind of programs.

This issue of sports is nothing like that program, it has the potential to bring in money because athletic and extra curricular programs are generally not in the budget... that's why there are fundraisers, booster clubs and parents paying out their nose for the kids to be involved. It doesn't cost them (the schools) any extra time...the program is established and extra man power or time investment will not be needed to accommodate homeschooled students. The arguments yesterday, while continually stating they were not arguing the merits of educational choice, boiled down to just that. "You've chosen to homeschool, so you don't get the benefit of the wider community education arena." I'm sorry, but that's just wrong.

As to the question of displacement, over and over it was said that if we enrolled our kids in school, they would welcome them. At that point displacement becomes a moot issue...if our child is talented enough to displace a current student, they would displace them whether homeschooled or not. That argument also stretched common sense when they suggested that an entire team might be composed of HS students there-by robbing PS students of the opportunity to participate. It's ludicrous to think that a coach or teacher (in an extracurricular activity) would select all HS students in any scenario...the last sob story yesterday of the student who 'needed' the 'connection' that choir offered her because of her home situation...a touching story to be sure, but the argument that those kinds of kids would miss out takes a caring teacher completely out of the equation and stretches common sense and personal touches in favor of proving a point on principle. Then there was the point about a student *outside* the school zone being on a sports team would be disruptive to school spirit, would make the student feel disconnected from the wider 'school' community and be a potential hindrance to the team since they wouldn't have a relationship with that student in the halls. This argument falls terribly flat when you consider that there are students from the neighboring county listed on our sports rosters here every year. Their county doesn't offer the same extracurricular sports activities we do, so they are allowed to participate. How is that any different from homeschoolers participating?? Pure hypocrisy at it's finest.

The other concern they mentioned over and over was the question of accountability. How can they trust that parents are actually doing their job? It's as if they have never heard of standardized testing or portfolio review. While we don't have a legal requirement for portfolio review here in TN, I think most families willing to pursue this option would welcome a review of the coursework their child is doing as long as the school district didn't make the review taxing, burdensome or impose some extra onerous restrictions on what the student should be doing or learning in order to participate. A quick review of the TSSAA policy suggests that there are already standards in place and the school board simply needs to recognize and comply with them in order to allow homeschoolers to play. No need to re-invent the wheel here, just follow what's already been thought through and laid out.

Based on the tone of the room yesterday, they will probably vote against it. And while it will be sad to lose this local battle, I don't think it will be long until it will be mandated and legislated in Nashville...and then the school board will have to comply. Both city (who is completely against the idea right now) and county schools will have to open their doors and welcome homeschoolers no matter how they really feel.

Plan Your Work and Work Your Plan

Free spirited. Fun loving. Flies by the seat of her pants. Spontaneous. Open ended. Flexible.

These are all descriptive phrases that others have used to talk about me at various points in my life. What you don't see there are words like...scheduled, consistent, on time, reliable, dependable, orderly, organized. Why? Because those words do NOT describe me. Oh how I wish I were more of all those 'grown-up' traits, especially when the responsibilities I have begin to overwhelm me.

I have always resisted a schedule. Truth be told, I have a planner graveyard going in a box in the garage. It has always felt so stifling to be 'told' what to do with my time! I *do* like to be flexible and spontaneous! I want to drop everything and have coffee with a girlfriend who needs to chat. I'd love nothing better than to declare it a silly holiday and take my kids out for milkshakes at the drop of a hat.

What I have come to realize is that living this way is neither effective or productive. I was definitely created with a bent for people and relationships over tasks and keeping busy. I recognize that and am trying to find a way to embrace my love for people and pursuing friendships and balance that against the demands of homeschooling my children and managing my home...plus the demands outside my home that I have become involved in. Most are important things that are a natural extension of what I do at home like helping lead our local homeschool support group, speak at monthly meetings and teach at our co-op. Some reflect my desire to help others, like serve on a community board for storm recovery (our community was hit hard by the April,2011 tornadoes). ALL take a level of commitment and intention that I sometimes feel is above and beyond my natural abilities!

Praise the Lord that "in our weakness, He is strong." I couldn't do so much of what I do with out the daily grace of God. I hear young moms say all the time, I could never do what you do, I don't have the __________!" Fill in patience, organization, ability, belief in myself that I could actually TEACH my kids...you name it, I've probably heard it. Let me tell you something: I CAN'T DO THIS EITHER! I'm no hero or saint. My house is messy, my kids rooms are dirty (one more than the others...her room gives me hives!), we have cereal or mac and cheese for dinner a lot more than we should, we sleep in, clean laundry is moved from the bed to the basket to the bed again before it is ever folded and put away.

What I have found when it come to those daily responsibilities is that a checklist is a good thing. It gives a sense of purpose to the day with out restraining one to an hourly schedule. It helps a free spirit like me (who would frequently be distracted by facebook or twitter or sparkly things) stay focused and intentional. And I actually get things done! It gives the best of both worlds though as a 'list' system lends flexibility and leaves room for spontaneity while still giving direction and purpose to the flow of your day/week/month.

What do YOU do to stay organized while still embracing who you really are??

A boy and his dog.

Sent from my Palm Pre on the Now Network from Sprint

Purity....More than saving yourself.

When I think of something pure, I think of something untarnished, unblemished, not used up...something beautiful, sparkling, chaste. I think of a clean mind and heart, someone who doesn't choose to sully their conversation with coarse jokes or crude and foul language. Someone who carries themselves with a sense of modesty and propriety. Someone who reflects Christ and walks out their faith in a manner worthy of Him.

Unfortunately, I think we as parents and youth workers may have a tendency to reduce purity to lessons on safe sex...how far is too far...save yourself for marriage. As a result of this misunderstanding of true purity, we end up with a lot of 'technical virgins.' Girls and guys who have saved 'the act of intimacy' for marriage, but blessed little else.



I would much rather use a book like the one pictured above to emphasize with my daughter that purity as more than just having physical boundaries (though that is part of it) but as something that is reflected in your attitude, thoughts, appearance, and actions.

For my sons, I believe they need to be equally challenged. So many books on this topic are geared for girls, but our boys struggle too!! We need to challenge them to rise above today's debased, self-seeking culture by examining God's standard, train their eyes and mind, clean up their thought life, and develop a plan of action in the face of temptation. A couple great resources to help dad's and their boys work through that are:





We cannot continue to let purity be relegated to just abstinence training, we need to teach and train our young people to think broader. It's about the friends they choose, the clothes they wear, the attitudes they reflect, the music they listen to, the books they read, the movies they watch, the TV shows on the DVR...all these things greatly affect the mind and ultimately the heart.

After all, the Bible admonishes us~

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life. Prov. 4:23

Click here to read part one and part two of this series on dating.

True Love Waits...but only a little while

If you haven't read my first post in this series, click here.

In today's post, I want to address some specific dangers when our teens choose to date. We've already seen a retrospective look at attitudes, mindsets and character issues many parents recall from their own dating years, but we've also seen that time seems to dull our memories as parents. In fact, many parents may see dating as a "harmless phase" that all teens go through. I would even argue that many Christian parents feel a false sense of security because of the heavy emphasis on Abstinence Education in both the public and private sector.

Abstinence programs are a great idea, but we have the misguided notion that they offer protections for our dating kids. Let's think about it though... Isn’t it unrealistic to expect a teenager who has been pursuing emotional romance since age 12, and a limited physical relationship for about the same length of time, to refrain from sexual relations until he marries a decade later? What about those kids who 'take the pledge?' It’s interesting to note that a study done in 2001 by the American Journal of Sociology states that virginity pledges were found to delay intercourse only by an average of 18 months.In other words, for many kids, a pledge might delay activity for a while, but not until they are married.

Make no mistake, I am THRILLED with the moves towards abstinence education, but I believe educating our kids about sexual purity and expecting them to remain sexually pure while they date is a lot like an Alcoholics Anonymous group choosing to hold their meetings in a bar.

Equally as sobering is the sad statistic Josh McDowell quotes in his book Why True Love Waits: The Definitive Book on How to Help Your Kids Resist Sexual Pressure regarding 'churched kids.' Lest we assume, as Christian parents, that because of our faith and church involvement that our kids are safe, we should be aware that while “religion conscious” girls are 86% more likely to say that it is important to be a virgin at marriage than “non-religion-conscious” girls, those same religious conscious girls are only 14% more likely to actually be virgins. Thus, being active in church is no guarantee that a young person is immune to the pressures pushing teens into premarital sexual involvement.

If our kids become sexually active, 1 in 4 will get an STD. Out of all the teen girls you know, 4 out of 10 of them are likely to get pregnant. 

Makes you want to lock them in a tower a la Rapunzel, doesn't it? 

As parent, we need to be careful to not reduce purity to just sexual purity...the term purity encompasses to much more. That's the subject of my next post. Hope you'll be back.

On Dating. Or...This fruit isn't as tasty as it looks.

As a parent of young adults (some would call them teenagers), we are entering a vast new territory with regards to issues in parenting. No more are we worried about how to stop tattling or separation anxiety...No, now there are bigger fish to fry.

Like dating.

Many families today subscribe to our cultures ideals that casual dating, or 'catch and release' relationships are a harmless part of growing up. We are not one of those families. Perhaps after being challenged to consider--really consider--this teen ritual, you won't be either.

Like many of our parenting choices, this isn't a decision we arrived at overnight or after a casual conversation. We labored, prayed, discussed, read, talked and studied. We recalled our own dating experiences. We wanted something better for our children.

In reflecting on what exactly teen dating is, and considering what the motivation is for such behavior, I concluded that this is yet another place the worldly philosophy of humanism has crept in and usurped Biblical principles. Think about it. Humanism suggests that man is supreme and everything revolves around man. The Bible says we should consider everyone better than ourselves. Humanism is selfish, Biblical Christianity is selfless. While Christians everywhere may struggle with selfishness, to have a whole practice based on selfish motivations is completely different. Thus, my conclusion that recreational dating by it's very nature is based in humanism.

There are far more egregious sins that are commonly attached to humanism because they are much easier to peg. A selfish spouse pursuing adultery, an inconvenienced woman considering abortion...most Christians see these actions as clearly wrong. Recreational dating though, really??


It's very subtle.

Jesus says in Luke 6:44 that we will know a tree by it's fruit. Let's have a look at some of the 'fruit' the modern dating scene provides. A short (anonymous) survey of other parents identified these 'fruits' from their dating experiences.

Distrust.
Self-centeredness.
Pride.
Heartache.
Bitterness.
Suicidal thoughts.
Promiscuity.
Revenge.
Fear.
Insecurity.
Covetousness.
Improper thoughts.
Jealousy.
Immorality.
Depression.
Violence.
Hindered Spiritual growth.
Strained relationship with parents.
Feeling of being used.

Suddenly, the dating scene looks a lot less enticing, doesn't it. And it's a lot easier to see the inherent dangers associated with the teen dating scene.

The problem of course, is that this survey is a retrospective survey given to parents. Teens may not give the same kinds of answers for reasons of self-preservation, selfishness, or just because they are dishonest and don't want to admit that some of these feelings are happening to them, right now, as a result of their relationship choices.

Honestly, if parents were not asked to think about and reflect on their dating experiences, it probably wouldn't cross our minds. For most of us, dating was such a long time ago, we've forgotten how it felt. Time has the tendency to erase hard edges and even 'romanticize' young love. We don't remember the pain, hurt, disillusionment and heartbreak associated with those early relationships.

I would even venture to say that as parents, we may even equivocate the idea that because our teens relationships can't really "go anywhere," there is no harm or danger involved. In other words, "Meh, they're only 13 and 14...They can't get married...What's the harm in them having a little fun. They're so cute."

Oh friends, if only there were no real 'dangers.' Remember the list...and stay tuned. Part deux is coming.